How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
