words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
