Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
too bad you live with your parents still
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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