someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
