What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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