This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
