ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
