I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
