They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
