I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
