rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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