i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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