high people should be assigned attendants
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Sober January is a disaster.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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