if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
