Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
