Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
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The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
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If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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