Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
