she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
