He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
