I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
