How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
