Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
