I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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