Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
