Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
4 words: hood of his car
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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