If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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