dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
