just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We just shotgunned beers for America
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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