I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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