apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
