I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
