Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
