he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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