Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Sober January is a disaster.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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