I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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