The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
