I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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