so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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