i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
