last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
