Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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