hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
