hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
