i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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