where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
