I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
