If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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