He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
