are you still at the devil's house?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
