I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
