According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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