They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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