he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
