I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
