Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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