I don't usually arrange sex via text message
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
