he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
So many bounce houses so little time
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
