Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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