We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Be still, my beating vagina.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
