i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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