The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
