before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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