Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
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Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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