I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I think people are normalizing furries
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