bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
