man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We need a shit load of segways right now
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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