I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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