pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
