She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
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Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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