what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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