So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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