So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
