you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Dear god my vagina.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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