I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
