Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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