So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
